Though it is already 6:30 I have been up since 5:30 and awake since 4:30. No coffee, no music, no joy. I knew writing a book would be a difficult project and I would need to learn and stretch and grow a lot to succeed at it. Though I have sometimes wondered if I wanted to do it, I have only doubted that I could do it a couple of times and both of them were after talking to the publisher. One of those times is now.
I am struggling. After being left to twiddle my thumbs and get on as best I could with the projects for a couple of weeks, I had a two hour project review by phone with my interim editor yesterday and came out of it with an incredible to-do list due next Wednesday (after the upcoming four-day weekend for everyone NOT writing this book). I also have the strong feeling that I cannot do what they want in it: chic, current, beautiful, professional work that a beginner hobbyist can do with a small kiln. What I do not have is any end in sight for the materials I need to be creating to get an actual sign-off on the projects list. A lot of the work I have to do this weekend is writing more documents to show them what the projects are and how to do them without actually showing or doing them. And sketching. they want me to sketch the projects.
While I appreciate that they have a review process, I am not happy with the way their requirements of me keep growing, they take their sweet time getting back to me about them, and my final deadline never moves. I tried to gently introduce the subject of their diddling and my deadlines into the conversation yesterday and the response was defensively frosty (frostily defensive?) so I just dropped it. Getting into an acrimonious debate over anything at this stage does not seem a wise idea. Wise might be to see this as a sign to gracefully withdraw from the project entirely and reclaim my life before it is too late.
Add to all the above that I am tired to my marrow and, Houston, we have a problem. I did unpack the Bullseye order and the van yesterday, but I did not fire anything in either kiln. Today is packed to the gunwhales with outside the studio stuff till 1:30 when I get to have the rest of my project review meeting (oh goody). I don't know how much spirit I am going to have to fire after that phone call.