Water in the Dasani bottle, "It Ain't Necessarily So" performed by George Winston on iTunes. It is Day 3 of the Buyer's Market of American Craft. Yesterday and Friday were both slow for me--not great news, but not unusual for for me for this show. I was confident that today would bring the orders streaming in. The day is now half over and I have had one order from an existing client and nothing new... Hmmm. Should I be worried? On the other hand the Jewish Museum of New York has asked me to design some menorah for them to carry. And I had a gallery owner from Orange County who might want me to do sugar and creamer boxes (no lids) and a vase (essentially a tall box with no lid) in Pop Art. These projects both have the prospect of being fun, if not necessarily lucrative.
This show brings out my tendencies towards reflection and contemplation. I think all the should-I, would-I, could-I thoughts. I am simultaneously humbled and validated by the art around me, and appalled at the callousness of some of the other artists. Clearly their grandmothers were not like my grandmother and the whole "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" edict just passed them right by. I can honestly say that I can find something good to say about everyone's boothes or work. maybe not both, but all I need is one nice comment and I'm done. It might be damning with faint praise, but at least I am not slashing bloody strips and leaving viscera to dry on the floor. Why bother with the viscera exposure? There is no need to state the obvious and it is much more rewarding for everyone if you make the effort to find the kernel of good. I wonder about the ego of the of the person able to so cruelly dismiss another's efforts. And I am forced to wonder what they are saying about me behind my back. And I dread the release of the book (and my exposure to the cruel world) , and I stall on the copy-editing review.
Part of the problem with the book right now (post copy-editing) is that the edits are so damn perky! No, this *isn't* my voice anymore. It is not darkly sarcastic enough--and as I just got through saying that I don't really see myself as predominantly darkly sarcastic, that's saying a lot! I asked my editor today about the edits she made and did she try to give the projects all the same detail and feel. She said no, she mostly put them in the style of the publisher. Oh dear. I delay reading them again.
And tonight are the Niche awards. Part of me says, "I'll never win. It may be my best piece ever and it may hold up well to all the other pieces in my category for artistic merit and technical excellence... but I'll never win." That's the part of me which does not believe that the prizes will be given for merit alone and that there will *always* be additional factors which determine the actual outcome. Which is not to say I think my piece is the best and I should win. Really. I want to, but that's a different story. Maybe it's just a human failing that looks for easy (and not my fault) reasons for why I didn't win. So I'm a bit petty and not perfect. I can live with that.
After the awards I will be joining friends at Morimoto for dinner. The reservation is for 7:30 and that's when they are all going. I will be at the awards alone, grumbling that I could have been celebrating life with friends instead of having my hopes dashed again.
I know! I'll think of it as celebrating the achievements of the people who do win! I told you I could always find something good to say....