Coffee in the Denver skyline mug, "Cloudy This Morning" by George Winston on iTunes in an attempt to calm my ever-increasing anxiety. I feel it roiling from one side of my face to the other, then descending to my arms and squeezing. I cold-worked a new box until 11:00 last night and got up at 6:30 this morning to do the final polish and I just. can't. get. it. I am letting everything else hang in my quest for the perfect box. I have been consumed by this obsession and even the approaching of the goal state does nothing to lessen my tension and stress.
Teresa will be here in the next hour ready to go to Philly. She is another artist I know from the One of a Kind Show who lives in Louisville, KY, works in stone (mostly alabaster) and has been considering doing the BMAC herself. I offered her the chance to go to the show for the cost of her meals if she would be my assistant for it. It's a good deal for both of us. And I am about to blow *everything* with this box. I should have left it at a fine matte finish instead of going for the high gloss. Now I am halfway to high gloss--the holy grail of cold-workers--and I realize I am not sure how to get the rest of the way. Other, more sage, kiln-formers tell me it just takes time. But I don't have TIME and I want it done NOW. Now, before it breaks from the heat of the polishing. Now before it flies off the wheel and smashes into a dozen pieces in the sink. Now so I can can get on with all the other things I have to do before going to Philly. Just NOW!!!
Got to pack the clothes, got to make the show list of everything I need to take, got to pack the car, got to write notes for Dave of things to take care of while I am gone, got to breathe, got to not cry.... Just want to go back to bed. Maybe plan a pond or perennial beds or...
Yesterday all the orders that could be shipped were. I edited most of the first 50 pages of my book and it has come together nicely. All the firings for the BMAC are done (including lids for the boxes which went in last night at 10:00, which are still 500 degrees, and which also need to be ground and polished before leaving for the show).
The anxiety rises, the anxiety falls.