Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Good Things Come... Followed by Terror

The morning opens with "Sweet Jane" by the Velvet Underground thus reinforcing my belief that there is intelligent design driving the music on the iPod. The mug of the day is a new Starbucks Skyline one: Alaska. Dave's initial response upon seeing the mug--which came yesterday courtesy of ebay--was "But there are no buildings in Alaska, what is it a skyline of? Huts?". He is an uneducated heathen and got an evil glare for a response and the lovely rendering of Denali on the mug shoved up under his nose. Don't mess with "The Last Frontier". (Which is the saying on the inside of the mug--they all have them. Chicago is "The Windy City", well, duh. New York is fruit-related.)

So the glass came yesterday in the pouring rain. It was wrangled off the truck and reposes in solid splendor under plastic on the parking pad for a dry unpacking--except for the frit which I rooted through for the red #2 and #3. In the midst of preparing places to put it all, I ran across three sheets of lt blue cathedral, one aqua cathedral and three lime green opal, all of which I need for projects in November and December and all of which I thought I was out of--forgetting I had made an overstock bin. The existence of this glass is also a sign and speaks to either my disorganization, pace of work, self-destructive tendancies, or all of the above (the terror is creeping in).

I woke at 3:00 am again courtesy of a sleepless Sprout. After getting her tucked back into her bed I couldn't get back to sleep, discourtesy of he neighbors barking dogs and my own small anxiety attack. I know I didn't have anxiety attacks that kept me awake in the middle of the night in my 20's or even early to mid 30's. I don't remember if I had them in my late 30's, but I have to say, my mid 40's are hell for them. The night I started this blog I had been awake for three hours before I finally got up and created the blog.

Last night I stayed abed and fretted about today. Did my firing yesterday turn out? No, it needed 5-10 more minutes at top temp for full fuse--the kiln has decided it doesn't want to follow the same firing schedules it has for six years and we have been tussling about its intractability for over a month now. What am I going to use for the walls of my display at the BMAC: my too-short white drapes, their 4' X 8' taped foamcore which is at least white, their carpet-covered pro-panels which are dark grey and so would need to have something else on them to provide the white background I need for my glass? Everything but my drapes costs $300-$500 additional. Where am I going to stay for the BMAC? Do I play it safe and reserve a room through the Rosen Group and pay a premium, or do I wait and get something cheaper on Priceline? Wait=Risk=Anxiety.

Now I need to get my daughter out of bed, pottied, washed, teeth brushed, hair brushed and fixed and dressed for school. After I take her to school I am heading up to Roswell to pick up five pieces from a gallery there to have photograped today. Then I am swinging back by Decatur to pick up two pieces from a gallery there. Then the photoshoot. Then the return of all the work. Then the grocery and dog food shopping (with a stop at Home Depot for more screen to try another screen melt). Then home to start unpacking glass and read through the contract from the publisher. And my stomach is completely in knots from stress. I know everything is going to be fine but I am having a hard time letting the fear go. So I am going to close with a poem which I thought of yesterday (Sunday? Who knows!). I am going to hold tight to it today and get through:

“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”

--Shel Silverstein

1 comment:

Bill Paley said...

Aha!

So you always knew that even if the glass failed to arrive as planned, you had pieces that you could bring to the photo shoot.

That's cool. No wonder you weren't really worried.