Summer comes to an end with a lovely bee symposium the Tour de Hives (detailed here and here). Tomorrow I have the CT scan to check out my right kidney One More Time, and tomorrow night Dave and I get to see Jason Isbell being taped live at Austin City Limits (he won the tickets at work). Life is good, right? Right! And yet I flounder. Today is my 440th day in this house. I look around and much has been done, much is in the process of being done (but currently languishing as I'm not doing anything), and much is left to do. I look around, and I have no idea what to do next. I actually came to the brink of tears today as I thought of next week and what I should do. I love the classes I am taking, and I am focused, driven, energized and productive in them. But at home, I become paralyzed and spend a lot of time not doing anything. I am honestly overwhelmed by how much I have started and how I am going to finish it all before I die (not in any time soon!).
Part of my inability to move on something (anything) is because of the heat. Projects that happen outside, in the glass studio, or in the conservatory (the proto jewelry and bee products/soap studio) just can't happen right now because I have totally expended my outdoor time for the week taking care of the bees, pond, and gardens. For the rest of my time I need air conditioning.
But the bigger part of my paralysis is not attributable to any obvious root cause. Today it was so bad that I went to Dave and asked to task me with three medium-sized things that he would like me to do for the house this week--something started that he would like to see finished. He looked at me like I had lost my mind, but I figured that his request would stimulate me to doing something, and at the end of the week if I accomplished what he asked, we could celebrate the win together. Mainly I am hoping that these three things will jumpstart me into finishing other projects--be they for the house or my own creative outlets.
After a bit of hesitation he came up with something, and what he asked filled my heart with joy and my body with energy. A bit of background: I asked him right as I was about to head off and take a nap this afternoon, but I was so enthused by his response that I sat down to post several entries in both blogs. So what does he want? Me to do the measurements, design the layout, and choose the glass for the kitchen cupboard doors and backsplashes (behind the sink and next to the fridge). I got so excited that I expanded the project to putting the front door back on and doing the design for the door, sidelights and transom. And there are my three projects. My raison d'être, raison de respirer for the week!
2 comments:
I think you're being smart, and he's being wise.
you know, Brenda, it's OK to have days when you don't do anything. you shouldn't feel guilty. and summer in Texas is a killer.
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